Features

The True Easter Story

by Karissa Donkin

Webmaster's note: This story was posted with our Easter message in 2005.

Dick Clark

Some argue that this jolly fellow is immortal like Santa, but that's not that case. The Easter Bunny has really been portrayed by many different folks over time. In fact, I have insider information that, during the 1970's, the Easter Bunny at the time was severely injured while attempting to hop up the marble stairs at our own school. Come on, you know you've tried it too when no one was looking! Anyway, his replacement was none other than Dick Clark.

Oh sure, we all knew Dick Clark was plastic or something like that. But he holds many powers. Mr. Clark, although he looks a mild mannered man, can hop tall buildings at untypeable speeds. He has a sidekick that accompanies him through every mission. His sidekick is actually the same guy that composed that chicken song, you know, the one we've all made fools of ourselves dancing to when no one was watching? The one where you clap. Anywho, Mr. Clark's AKA the Easter Bunny's super-powers, unfortunately, can only be activated when the lyrics to popular 90's songs are chanted backwards.

So you're probably asking, "Isn't Dick Clark a tad old to be shooting Easter eggs at monsters and chilling with Santa at the holiday ranch, playing poker until the wee hours?" If you asked that, you're right! Congratulate yourself! Last year Dick Clark hunted for a replacement. He found none other than *drumroll* Steve Urkel. Okay, he's got a real name but frankly, I can't remember it. Can you? Yeah, I assumed you couldn't either. He decided to choose Urkel after gaining inspiration from reading the "First thing that comes to your mind" thread on our very own SJHS forums! Woohoo, we're part of a tradition!

Now that you know the REAL story of the Easter Bunny, next Easter why not stay up late and confront him while he's delivering your candy? Of course, I'll be laughing here in my Easter basket if you do that because we all know that the Easter Bunny doesn't come if you're not asleep!